Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
