Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She announced her abortion via fbk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
