I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
