Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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