i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
