I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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