so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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