I like my sex mixed with concussions.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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