Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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