my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
