Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
