I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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