I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
