apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
