I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think a kid would responsible me up
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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