Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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