Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
