Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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