we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
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Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
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