I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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