just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
