Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
