So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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