508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you still have your period?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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