oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
