That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
