I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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