And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
