Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
