please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
