Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am available for nakedness
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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