I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
