Jerry, you need to find god
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
