I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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