yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
