i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
