My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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