I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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