So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
