i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
