the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
