you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
