FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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