Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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