he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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