Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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