LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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