the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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