go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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