Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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