my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
