So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
