Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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