"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
