there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
