that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
