how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
