Pappa wants mamma naked
My liver just broke up with me...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
