Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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