Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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