Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
