so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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