how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
