So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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