I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize