dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
