I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
