love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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