I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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