Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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