I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
