this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
