Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
